so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize