peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have post one night stand depression
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