I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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