Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My vagina just clenched in fear
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