and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize