I'm pants shitting drunk right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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