It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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