Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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