im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize