He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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