I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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