Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
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wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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