Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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