"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize