Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Come on in and take your pants off
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