I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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