remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I pour the whiskey from now on
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