And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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