You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Boobs are out for the taking
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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