So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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