Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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