your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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