Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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