I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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