I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
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Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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