we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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