"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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