oh fat girl friday strikes again...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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