Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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