i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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