My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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