I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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