Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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