your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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