Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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