i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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