only you would photoshop your dick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize