just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize