I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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