he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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