grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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