from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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