WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize