lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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