Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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