I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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