Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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