...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize