hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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