how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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